Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
