And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
