I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
