Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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