I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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