I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
