You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
