i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
