saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im holly from the hills drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
