Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
