I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize