why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
