I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
