I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
