there's paper in my vomit.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
