Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
