Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
