Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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