woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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