When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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