you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
