I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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