My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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