i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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