u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
