who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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