I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that's an acceptable place to lick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
