Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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