So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
