She's JV to your varsity
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
