Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
