i was born a porn star she said
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
