Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
