I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
