apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
