from now on my penis is your penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
