In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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