Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
