Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
