Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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