My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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