My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
either way he was missing a nipple.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
