I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
