I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
