just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
