I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
