Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
