that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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