Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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