he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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