i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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